I, too, have a new life to live without Don at my side to consult about a myriad of things.  We talked about everything.  He always consulted me about how to use our money, we asked each other what to have for dinner, if this was a good day to go to Sam’s Club with my sister and brother-in-law, who we were going to call to go out with once or twice a week, etc.   We often got our calendars out to make sure we each knew what the other had planned so that we wouldn’t double book ourselves.  I told Denise, our daughter, that he had an inner sense of what the root of a problem was and could figure out how to solve it.  He was always better at reading people than I was–women’s intuition aside.  He was intelligent, interesting and funny all at once.  I’ve found some books recently that it looked like he was intending to read, but was having trouble focusing his mind and his eyes to do it in the last few months.  So, I’m having the joy of giving them to some of our good friends as a little remembrance of their friendship with Don. 

Don prepared me for his homegoing.  He had all his papers updated and ready–had even made a list of things I needed to do when he died.  Yesterday I went through the list and made all the calls I needed to make to start things moving in the right direction and I was so thankful for him and his organization.  It made me feel so loved and cared for by this man with whom I had spent 48+ years.

I, personally, loved his Memorial Service because I knew it was exactly what he wanted.  He had written it all out a few weeks before Christmas, not knowing that before the New Year he would go into the hospital and never come back to our home again.  Our organist, Bob Hobby, captured his love of music.  (He liked it so he could hear it!)  The Gospel passage that Pastor Fugate chose for his homily was very meaningful to me.  He spoke of the time Jesus and the disciples were in a boat when a storm came up.  He emphasized that Jesus was in the boat with them as the storm was raging.  Interestingly, the next day my personal reading took me to Hebrews 6:17-19:  “Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath.  God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged.  We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…”   Both boat analogies have strengthened the fact that God will be with me and keep me anchored to Him.  My prayer is that I won’t be bogged down in the shallowness of bitterness, anger or self-pity and also keep from drifting away from the safety found in Him.

Thanks, once again, to all of you who have followed this blog for almost a year and have written us notes of encouragement.  Bless you!  Caroline

If you wish to look up the obituary that will be in the Fort Wayne newspapers, you may go to the D.O. McComb & Sons Funeral Homes website, www.domccombandsons.com.

I was so glad both children had been here with the grandchildren and seen him when he was somewhat responsive.  They will have wonderful memories of going to ball games or the zoo, or the library with him, sitting on his lap to read a book or watch a favorite video.  We will all remember his humor and insight into difficult problems.  I’ve loved his down to earth manner, yet tender care of me. 

We will all appreciate your prayers in the days ahead and will probably post one last blog letting you know of the plans for a Memorial Service.  We will celebrate Don’s life together.  Thank you to so many who have written notes on the blog, as well as e-mail and regular mail encouraging us and reminding us of the Lord’s promise to be with us always.  He has been all that we’ve needed bringing comfort and strength.  It’s wonderful to have the hope of eternal life with Him and the hope of seeing Don again some day. 

Thank you, again, for all your love and prayers.  Caroline

So many of you have written, either on the blog or by e-mail and have sent so many encouraging words, Scripture passages, hymns, and stories.  We are overwhelmed with your care and concern.  I, personally, have been strengthened and found a peace I know only God can give. 

The children have been of so much help.  I enjoyed having Denise’s family here this past weekend.  There is something about young people that give you a boost at times like these. 

We did hear from the social worker at the Hospice Home that Don has definitely met the Medicare guidelines and will be staying, so that is something we don’t have to continue thinking and worrying about.  He is getting such good care.  It’s really a blessing to us.  They have given us help in dealing with the young grandchildren and the questions they may have, as well as very practical helps for me when the time comes.  I can’t say enough about their care for the whole family.  They work with us to make Don as comfortable as possible and we’re so thankful for their kind and caring ways.

Thank you, again, for your many expressions of concern.  I’ll keep you updated.  Caroline

It was wonderful having Denise and Doug’s family here last weekend.  We had some good times with Don and with each other.  Rachel (Doug’s wife) took it on herself to feed us and we thoroughly enjoyed it.  Of course, having the boys around was refreshing and fun.  Denise stayed with Don late on Saturday night and Doug stayed on Sunday night.  I was able to get a couple nights of good sleep.  They were so much help!  What a blessing children are.

We met with the Social Worker this morning and have not heard definitively, but felt assured that Don was going to stay in Hospice Home a while longer.  Having had the seizures and the difficulty eating, the decline in communicating, all add up to him meeting the guidelines for end of life care.  We were hoping and praying that he wouldn’t have to be moved again.  Hospice Home is such a good place for him to be–not only for his care, but for our peace of mind, as well.

I know Don’s prayer is that he might go to heaven soon so that’s what we’re asking of you.  He’s done everything he could do to prepare me in having all his papers ready and teaching me the finances, so we feel ready to let him meet his Father.  Thank you for the strength you have given us by keeping us in your prayers.  Caroline

Last Friday we were in a Care Plan meeting at the Manor talking and thinking with the administrators there about Don’s care.  It was becoming apparent that he was declining to the point he could hardly do therapy and, being a Rehab facility, they can’t keep someone unless they do some therapy every day.  Before the meeting Don and I were talking in his room and we, together, came to the decision that we should not go ahead with further chemo therapy, but were still unsure how the kids would feel.  We ended up calling them and asking them to take a day (or two) off work to come help us look at all the options and came to a unanimous decision.  Since Don’s left side has declined so dramatically in the past two weeks, we knew that bringing him home and caring for him here would be impossible.  And, getting him to chemo treatments every two weeks would be just as impossible. Even though the van with a lift was transporting him to the oncologist’s office yesterday, the van driver had to stop twice to work with him to make sure he wouldn’t fall out of the wheelchair because he was leaning so much.  His overall weakness is such that he can hardly hold his head up when in a sitting position.

We had gotten information from Visiting Nurse and Hospice Home at an earlier time and we all looked at what they had to offer.  The question was whether Don would qualify.  Then, we found out that they could move him in for a week of observation and then give us their assessment of his condition.  Since there are a number of Medicare rules that apply, at that point, if he got better or no worse, he could stay but we would have to pay room and board.  If his condition would worsen then Medicare would continue to cover the cost.  It’s sad when your life ends up being managed by your insurance.  Oh, well, that’s a whole other matter.

We are already thrilled with the care he’s been given.  They cover the whole gamut of the patient’s and family care and want to make everyone involved comfortable, as well, and will do their best to meet every need–no matter what.  His first night was a bit rough, but I was able to stay with him in a bed beside him, which was comforting to both of us.  We are trusting that he will be able to find rest and peace in being there. 

Thank you, again, for keeping us before the Throne of Grace!  We are so blessed.  Caroline

Today was an experiment in finding out how he would do with friends and family helping him at meals.  I had a day of work scheduled, so took our friends up on their offer of help.  He said it went well, but it wasn’t like me being there–surprise!  I have some doctor appointments coming up that will get him more used to having others helping him.  It’s all good for both of us.  While I’m tired physically from getting up early and working, it was good to think about something different for a few hours, too.  I keep reminding him that I need to take care of myself in order to be able to think straight and be of help to him.

His left side has lost a lot of strength, but the therapy in the hospital was able to give him some exercises that we are going to continue.  They really helped his arm and leg to start regaining strength enough to hold them up on his own.  It was an effort, but he got it done.  It was amazing!  He was quite tired today from getting up and dressed for the first time in a few days, so I’m hoping a good night’s rest will help him do more tomorrow.  He does need prayer for encouragement from time to time. 

We continue to be thankful for the army of prayer warriors out there!  Thank you!  Caroline

When Don did awaken from time to time he was very much himself,  joking with the ambulance people saying he really wanted a helicopter ride and telling some of the same nurses he had a month ago that they had to stop meeting like this.  All of that was encouraging to me because some days lately he’s been somewhat sullen and non-communicative.  But, the swelling they found on the scan today may have already contributed to his loss of appetite and general well being, besides being the probable cause of the seizure.

Every night after I leave him I remind myself that he belongs to God and He will do what is best for him.  I don’t know how an unbeliever can make it at times like these.  We are so appreciative of so many of you who are remembering us in prayer.  Almost every day I get a card or message that someone else is praying for us.  What more can we ask?  Thank you so much.  Caroline

Our meeting with the neuro oncologist was good in that he seemed to agree with the oncologist we’re working with here.  He was very frank about Don’s prognosis, but also said there are some people that respond well to the chemotherapy that he is recommending and can live a couple years or more.  We are aware that a person’s outlook can have an effect on how well they do and Don has inherited a bit of the Gerig pessimism, so you can pray that he will view each day as a gift and make the best of it.  At times he feels I’m not being realistic, but I prefer to look at the glass half full, I guess.  Maybe we make a good pair.

Don has definitely lost a lot of the use of his left side–mostly his hand and arm, which makes getting dressed and eating difficult, among other things.  I try to be at the Rehab Center for all his meals to be of help.  His appetite is affected and he just eats a few bites, so I tend to eat some of what he leaves (since we’re paying for it).  His potassium is still low, so they have increased his potassium pills.  The anti-seizure medication, we were told a few days ago, was at the right level.  But, just before I left him tonight he had a tic.  It only lasted 3-4 minutes and did not get into a larger seizure, so the nurse came and observed it and charted it for the doctor.  He was due to take his anti-seizure  medwithin the hour, so the nurse said he could go ahead and take it then.  Pray that it will take hold and keep him from having any more.  I’m hoping it was just the stress of the day.

Like I said beforehand, we felt led to see the specialist at UofM and were aware that we might not hear what we wanted to hear, but were glad to know that the oncologist here is going in the right direction.  Thanks, again, for fighting the fight with us.  We keep needing you.  Caroline

This week turned into a whirlwind of phone calls and getting records from doctor’s offices, etc.  Our friend in Ann Arbor, Dr. Mike, was able to work miracles for us,  with God’s help!  Don had called him last Sunday asking if he had any contacts with specialists like a neuro oncologist with whom he might be able to set us up.  By Tuesday or Wednesday I was getting e-mails and phone calls from him asking how soon we could come up.  He told me to get all of Don’s records from all of his doctors and a CD of his MRI’s.  I, of course, immediately got on the phone to each doctor’s office to see what would be involved and started making the rounds of signing consent forms.  Some of them wanted to fax the records directly up to a doctor in Michigan, while others gave them directly to me.  While I was in the midst of that I got a call from one of the doctors’ assistants giving me two appointment times with two doctors in the UofM Cancer Center for this coming Monday and asking for pathology reports on top of the other reports.  I’ve been telling people that I believe the Lord had guided us six years ago already when we started volunteering at the hospital because I was familiar enough to go directly to Medical Records and get the pathology reports by simply signing for Don.  Again, another miracle, though, because I happened to have our Power of Attorney paper with me to be able to do that.  (I had just taken them all to the SNF for their records and was still carrying them around in my folio!)  On Thursday I got everything I had sent up to the one doctor’s assistant by overnight UPS.  When I got in the car I said to the Lord,  “I’m sending them off with a wing and a prayer, asking for your wisdom and guidance in this”.  I’ve told friends that I don’t view our going up to Michigan as a magic bullet that will make everything all right, but feel that enough things have come together in miraculous ways to help us both to know it’s the right thing to do even if we don’t get the news we wish for.  Last night our daughter, Denise, mentioned the same thing as I told her about this whole week.  And, I’m not finished with miracles yet.  On top of everything else, our friend, Karin, (who had made her appointment up there three months ago) was to go on Monday, so we are able to go with them in their comfortable van with tilting passenger seats.  I can’t imagine Don having to get into our small car and having the strength to sit way down and get back up again.  It would have been a horrible trip for him that way.  This way we can take a pillow and blanket for him and hope that he can sleep most of the way there and back.

So, we ask for your prayer help as we make the trip to Ann Arbor on Monday–not only that Don will be able to make it without setbacks, but that we will receive valuable help from the specialists up there.  We are so thankful for our many prayer partners!  Just today we got another letter from people we hadn’t seen in a few years that were adding us to their prayer list.  My devotional time today was in I Kings 3  where King Solomon asks for wisdom, above all else.  That is our desire, as well, as we proceed on this new venture.  Thank you for sharing in the journey with us.  Caroline